When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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