I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
