found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
