Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
