I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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