after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
