Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
