You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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