I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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