I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
