If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
