I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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