You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
