We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
