I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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