For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
