Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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