its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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