There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize