ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
