Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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