Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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