Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
