Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
