Well douche your snatch and let's go!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
