I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize