Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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