Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
