I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
