i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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