Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
