Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
