my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
