Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize