This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She bit a glass in half.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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