Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
