yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
