I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
