there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
