I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
