im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
