Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
