I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
