i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
