Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize