Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
