I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
