Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize