he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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