Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
