Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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