he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
