i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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