Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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