Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
