a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
