Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
