I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
