i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
