He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize