yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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