my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
