didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
