Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this boner is exhausting
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
