oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
