I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
