I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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