I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
