I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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