First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize